"This Sick Little Heart of Mine" Book Cover Shoot

Look, it was not my idea to put my photo on the cover of my book. It's just that the alternate would have been a picture of some other chick, and guess what? She didn't write MY book. She didn't go crazy and depressed and ruin her marriage and her children's lives and fake a different identity for six months. So why should she get to be on the cover of my book? She shouldn't, right? Exactly.

So here it goes. Tell me what you think in the comments. Oh, and big props to Tyler Kapper for making me somehow look pretty and crazy at the same time.

More Interspecies/Object Breeding

...brought to you by Sketch, the blanket rapist.

"A Few Good Men" playing in the background adds a nice touch, don't you think?

Kaya Learns Respect


My little Aryan child was honored with the chance to be a black belt for a day because he did so well on Monday. I'm really proud of him. This is the first activity that he's really been enthusiastic about that didn't involve boogers.

Incredibly Accurate Zodiac Descriptions!



I didn't write this, but I wish I had.

Aquarius 
Jan 23 - Feb 22 
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. 

Pisces 
Feb 23 - Mar 22 
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick. 

Aries 
Mar 23 - April 22 
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit. 

Karate Kid Kaya

"Erin, how is this entertaining?"
Fuck you, it's my kid, it's the most beautiful thing in the world. How else am I supposed to prove I love him other than share his karate chops with the world? 


Mid-Term Elections: This Cartoon Tells It All!

Nacho-Craving Goats Ain't Playin Around

My daughter and son take horseback riding lessons at Cornerstone Farm (great place, highly recommend them). In addition to the horses, the farm is also home to three goats who crave nachos more than a frat boy after a three-day Jagermeister binge. These goats are harmless, but they will get all up in yo' bidness for nachos.

Here, you see the goats are getting serious.


My Fu*cking Cats

F*cking asshole

I never sleep anymore and this is why. What you're about to hear is what I hear at 3:00 am every morning.
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