Thursday, November 9, 2017

Nov 8, 2017

Me to Year Ago Me: “where are you going?”

Year Ago Me: “Home to watch the election coverage! Break the glass ceiling! Clinton might take Texas!”

Me: “yeah well I have something to tell you...”

Year Ago Me: “hey if you’re only one year older, how come you look so fat and old?”

Me: <pauses> “you know what, have fun! Enjoy your covfefe.”

Year Ago Me: “My what?”

Me: “You’ll see.”

Year Ago Me can suck it.


Year Ago Me: “why are you so tense? Is it a close call? Does Florida go red?”

Me: “well that’s part of it—“

Year Ago Me: “I KNEW IT! I fuckin knew it. Fuck Florida!”

Me: “look, just do me a favor— don’t post on FB about not warning Florida the next time there’s a hurricane. You’ll piss off your Florida friends.”

Year Ago Me: “what’chu talkin bout, Willis? We don’t have any friends in Florida.”

Me: <sighs> “oh shut up and eat your twizzlers. Enjoy these final hours.”

Year Ago Me: <mouth stuffed with Twizzlers> what...doyoumean... fiiinal...hours?”


Year Ago Me: “Ha! Alabama goes red, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Kentucky go red. Big shocker there! Racist backassward fundamentalist dickheads!”

<bites into a Twizzler, takes a swig of rum and coke, pushes a cat butt out of the way of Wolf Blitzer>

Continues, “Enjoy your red map while you got it, you Republican fucks! Ha ha we don’t need Florida, cause as soon as Ohio and Michigan..........hey....Year Later Me! Where are you? Where’d you go? ...Why are you out on the balcony? What are you doing with that rope around your neck?”



Me: “Nope.”

Year Ago Me: “God you’re so morose and angry! You’re like Prince in ‘Purple Rain’ but taller and with no talent.”

Me: “which reminds me...”

Year Ago Me, “shut up, breaking news! 90% Ohio counties reporting in. Here we go! oh my wouldya look at Wolf Blitzer?! he looks—“

Me: “Like a man witnessing the death of our democracy?”

Year Ago Me: “...pale. I bet he’s tired. All that walking back and forth from the map to the guest commentators...”

Me: “Yeah, that’s def it.”


Year Ago Me: “well....some of the people on Pantsuit Nation are friending each other to drown out the Trump supporters on their wall. Should I accept their friend requests?”

Me:”, it....but wait...I need to give you a list...”

PART VI (The Finale)

Year Ago Me (spread out on the bed staring at the ceiling): “This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening...wait, why are you grinning?”

Me: “Bc I remember this part the most.”

Year Ago Me: “But you’re grinning!.. what does that mean? Am I exaggerating? Will everything be ok? Is this feeling going to go away?”

Me: “No. It will never go away. Tonight, you’re going to have nightmares—many, many nightmares about large dark oceans with no shore — the kind of subconscious dreams you dream when your waking dreams die. Tomorrow you’ll pick up kids from school and you’ll try not to cry in front of your daughter. She’ll sense your grief anyway, but she’ll never really know what this night took away – but then again, neither will you.
The shock will eventually flatline, become a low-pulsating numbness; but it won’t hold you forever. You’ll have to reach back to touch it.

The bitterness will be a wound you won’t bother covering; for you will never again feel quite as American as you did before Nov. 8, 2016. Your country, you think, has betrayed you. Your friends and family – the ones who voted red – you won’t talk to them for weeks, sometimes months. Everything will feel alien for a while. You’ll watch strangers go about their daily lives and think, how could you?

The anger will manifest in different ways. Some days you’ll crush it, but some days it will crush you, and that’s ok too. Some days it will be your fuel; you’ll call or write your state representatives, you’ll join with other women to write a book, you’ll march and you’ll protest. Other days it will sit inside you like a buried scream, and you’ll find yourself pacing your house at odd hours at night wondering what you would have done differently.

But it won’t be all bad. The friends you made tonight—many of them will stay with you throughout the year and beyond. Some will become closer to you than your sister. You’ll laugh with them, you’ll cry with them. Together you’ll celebrate the victories (and there will be many) and mourn the defeats (and there will be plenty of those too). They’ll broaden your horizons, teach you to be more empathetic, to listen, to lead, to follow, to live in the moment. You’ll learn you weren’t the perfect liberal. You’ll learn no one else is either. You’ll learn you’ve been doing a lot of things wrong. You’ll strive to do better. You’ll fail and you’ll get up again. But most importantly, you’ll learn that you’re in this together, that no man is an island, and no matter what, we must keep living and we must keep fighting, because life has no meaning if you’re only surviving.

Chin up, younger, slimmer me. You've got a hell of a year ahead of you.”
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